Understanding IBS and its impact
What is IBS?
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) is a common, long-term condition that impacts how your digestive system works. People living with IBS can experience bouts of stomach pain, bloating, diarrhoea, constipation, or a mix of both, depending on the type of IBS they have.
This information is intended for educational purposes and does not replace medical advice.
If you or your loved one have / has any new IBS symptoms, concerns, or questions about your health, we recommend you/they speak to your/their GP or a qualified healthcare professional.
How IBS affects daily life
While there’s no established cause of IBS, it’s widely believed to be linked to the two-way connection between your digestive system and brain, known as your gut–brain axis. Things like the below are thought to contribute to IBS flare-ups, though triggers vary from person-to-person:
🧠 Stress and anxiety
🍽️ Food sensitivities or disrupted eating patterns
🦠 Changes in gut bacteria (microbiome)
💊 Infections, antibiotic use, or gut inflammation
🧬 Increased sensitivity of gut nerves
👪 A family history of IBS
As you can imagine, with eating being a necessary activity, and encountering situations that may cause stress and anxiety and getting ill being regular parts of life, living with IBS can be a constant challenge.
Living with someone who has IBS may mean meals at home need adapting. It might also mean you have to be mindful of where you eat out, or where you go out in general to ensure there’s a toilet nearby. Some people don’t feel able to work as a result of their IBS, let alone go out for leisure.
Despite a person living with IBS experiencing periods where symptoms are mild or even non-existent, flare-ups (where symptoms suddenly worsen) can occur at any time, especially if someone isn’t familiar with their personal triggers. That’s why having IBS flare-up support from a loved one can be key.
The emotional toll of IBS
Having access to understanding emotional support, whether from a professional or those they’re close to, is vital for someone with IBS.
It’s not uncommon for people living with the condition to feel guilty that their partner or family have to accommodate their eating-needs. Although we all go to the loo, there’s still a stigma around discussing our toilet habits, so they may feel ashamed of their condition too. People may choose to hide their IBS from a person they begin a new friendship or partnership with due to the stigma they feel, meaning they’re not bringing their “whole” self to the relationship.
Also, while stress and worry can trigger IBS in a person, the condition can also cause further pressure and anxiety for them, with thoughts like ‘What if I have a flare-up while I’m out?’, ‘What if there’s no toilet nearby?’ and ‘Will I be able to fully enjoy the event/activity?’ racing through their minds. This can create a vicious stress/anxiety > IBS cycle.
Both the person living with IBS and their loved ones may feel a sense of helplessness as the condition doesn’t have a cure. Thankfully, there are lifestyle measures, and other interventions that can help manage the condition, which you can support your loved one with.
Practical ways to help a loved one with IBS
Support during flare-ups
It goes without saying that remaining patient with, and empathetic and understanding toward, your loved one with IBS will do wonders for their mental health. Just putting yourself in their shoes and picturing what life must be like, is probably enough to induce sympathy in you.
It’s important to remember to let the person with IBS take the lead. They know their body best.
Try and gauge their mood. Sometimes they may want space and to be alone during a flare-up. Other times they may crave company and want someone to watch TV or play a board game with when they don’t fancy going out. They may wish to talk about it, they may not. They may appreciate help with housework and running errands. What they probably don’t want is to be lectured about healthy lifestyle measures as this can soon sound patronising!
While the ideas below may help, sometimes the best thing to do is to simply listen, and ask them what they need.
Being mindful of food choices
We can often be influenced by people around us. Therefore, making a point to eat regular meals together where possible, can be useful if you live with someone who has IBS. Cooking healthy, appetising meals together that don’t contain your loved one’s trigger foods can help, and be fun too. Cooking meals from scratch avoids ultra-processed or high-fat ready-meals, which people with IBS are advised to do.
Before you can do this though, your loved one first needs to try and identify their trigger foods. A handy way to do this is to keep a symptom and food diary to track what might cause flare-ups. It’s also key that your family member or friend makes one change to their diet at a time, so they can pinpoint what exactly prompted a bout of symptoms. For more information on this, check out our dietary strategies for managing IBS article.
Encouraging healthy routines
Practising the healthy lifestyle measures that may ease IBS symptoms in solidarity with your family or friend living with IBS can help them feel less alone, hold them accountable (without having to lecture them!) and motivate them. The fact that doing so can benefit your health too is an added bonus!
Alcohol
While alcohol doesn’t cause IBS, it can worsen symptoms. A study found that having four or more alcoholic drinks a day was strongly associated with having gut-related symptoms the next day. Even light drinking may trigger bowel habit changes, especially diarrhoea, for some IBS-sensitive people.
Maybe you could decide to reduce your alcohol intake (if you drink alcohol) together, encouraging each other along the way?
Smoking
Likewise, IBS isn’t a direct result of smoking, but emerging research suggests doing so may spark symptoms in those with the subtype IBS-diarrhoea.
It could be worth looking into NHS Stop Smoking Services and Nicotine Replacement Therapies together (if you both smoke, or looking into it with your partner even if you don’t smoke yourself).
Sleep
Poor perceived sleep can lead to higher-than-average gut symptoms the next day for people with IBS. Having a consistent bedtime can help regulate circadian rhythms and sleep. For more tips, have a read of our sleep and IBS article.
Could you try setting a ‘bedtime’ alarm for both you and your partner with IBS so you go to bed at the same time?
Fitness
We all know that being active is good for us, but did you know it also benefits people living with IBS? Studies have linked increased physical activity with improved gut-related symptoms for those living with the condition.
Gentle exercise like core and posture work, stretching and mobility workouts, and low-impact cycling and swimming are best for easing sudden and severe symptoms.
Perhaps you could accompany your friend or family member while they do some gentle exercise like leisurely cycling, walking or yoga?
Stress management
Everyone experiences stress and, sometimes, it’s useful in the short-term as it can urge us to get things done! However, when we’re stuck in a state of prolonged stress the key is to limit its impact. This is because, thanks to the two-way link between your gut and brain mentioned above (your gut brain axis), when you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, your gut feels it too.
So, while stress doesn’t cause IBS, it can worsen it, triggering symptoms like slower or faster bowel movements, flare-ups even when your diet remains the same, cramps, bloating, and urgency.
Could it be a good idea for you to set aside time to practice breathing techniques, mindfulness or meditation with your loved one living with IBS to help minimise any stress they may be experiencing?
Emotional support for someone with IBS
Listening without judgment
Having compassion for your loved one living with IBS is vital. Be open to and enthusiastic about ideas they have about managing their symptoms, rather than prescribing advice to them. Listen in an unbiased way.
Reducing stigma and embarrassment
If you’re wondering how to talk about IBS with your loved one, don’t imply in any way that a flare-up is their fault, as this can make any stress or anxiety they’re feeling worse. Avoid saying things like ‘This wouldn’t happen if you didn’t eat X’ or ‘If you’d exercise more, you might not suffer from as many flare-ups’. Aim to be encouraging and positive, rather than accusatory or frustrated.
Consider asking your loved one how they’d like IBS to be talked about as some people are okay being open, others prefer more privacy. Explore if they’re happy with their IBS being discussed openly.
Friends and family can help reduce any stigma surrounding the condition by normalising conversations about gut health in their wider circles (without over-sharing), so the loved one doesn’t feel so isolated.
Helping manage stress and anxiety
Sometimes the person you’re close to may need help beyond what you can provide. As well as offering a sympathetic ear for your loved one with IBS to vent to, if they’re open to it, it may be helpful to signpost them to see their doctor. This is because their GP will be able to signpost them to cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) or hypnotherapy that may help ease their symptoms and offer emotional support.
It might be a good idea to point your loved one in the direction of the below directories of registered dieticians or therapists, as they may offer the IBS-relieving solution that works for them.
Supporting a partner or family member with IBS
Making social life easier
🏡 We all need social connection, regardless of any condition we have. Perhaps you could suggest and plan a game or quiz night or other low key social gathering of friends and/or family at home, where your loved one is in familiar surroundings?
🚗 Another idea could be to offer to drive your relative or friend with IBS to any appointments or social events they have. This can be one way of potentially reducing any stress they may be feeling.
📱 Ensuring you have a toilet finder app on your phone can be helpful, especially if you’re with your loved one when out and about and their phone runs out of battery.
🔑 Radar keys allow access to some locked public toilets in the UK. Being aware of if the person you’re close to has their Radar key before they go out (if they own one) – and reminding them to pick it up if you notice they’re about to leave it – can be super helpful!
Creating a supportive home environment
Learning about IBS alongside your loved one at home or elsewhere can help make them feel that they’re not on the journey of managing their condition alone. Consider watching videos on IBS and diet advice or the connection between the gut and mind from reliable sources like the NHS. You could read stories from other people who live with IBS to be inspired by what’s worked for them.
Either way, committing time to educating yourself about the condition will improve your understanding of it, and show your friend or relative that you care.
Supporting your loved one to return to work
If you’re loved one’s been off work due to their IBS, they’re not alone. Should they be thinking about returning to work, there are ways you could support them. These include:
- Familiarising yourselves with NHS Fit Notes and an overview of what considerable adjustments your loved one is entitled to from their employer under the Equality Act 2010.
- Helping your loved one prepare for a conversation with their employer about ways they could get back to work that make life easier for them, such as flexible or remote working options or permission to leave meetings without explanation. To do this, you could help your friend or relative outline a script to help them prepare for a conversation with their employer.
- You could also guide your loved one though completing a step-by-step return to work plan.
FAQs: Common questions about supporting someone with IBS
How do I support someone with IBS?
Support can be as simple as listening and being patient, letting the person living with IBS tell you what they need. It can also include practical things like cooking meals containing non-triggering foods, having toilet finder apps on your phone, and living a healthy lifestyle alongside the person, such as doing gentle exercise together.
What should I avoid saying to someone with IBS?
Avoid making someone with IBS feel guilty or that they are somehow the cause of their symptoms. Instead, offer encouragement and understanding. Share suggestions that might help without being too forceful. For example, ‘we could keep a food and symptom diary for you to get to the bottom of what might be causing your flare-ups.’
How can I help during an IBS flare-up?
An IBS flare-up can feel isolating, especially with triggers and symptoms being quite unique to a person. Offering to keep a person with IBS company at home, and doing an activity there, such as watching a film together to take their mind off it, may help them feel less alone. Equally, offering to do some household chores, food shopping or errands for them while they’re not feeling their best may be appreciated. Ask your loved one what help they feel like they need.
Is IBS a serious condition to support someone through?
Yes. With symptoms like stomach pain, nausea, fatigue, bloating, diarrhoea, constipation, or a mix of both, IBS flare-ups can leave people feeling not able to work, or do everyday activities, such as shopping, housework or socialising. It can impact their diet, sleep and mental wellbeing, especially with the taboo still surrounding talking about toilet habits.
What foods should I avoid serving to someone with IBS?
Trigger foods for people living with IBS will vary from person-to-person. Foods like broccoli, lentils and apples may be challenging for a person with the condition. It’s also not advised for people with IBS to eat ultra-processed or high-fat ready meals. If someone has IBS-D (diarrhoea-predominant), avoid serving them insoluble fibre like bran and cabbage.
Key takeaway: compassion makes the difference
Being encouraging, non-judgemental and letting your loved one take the lead is the best way to support someone living with IBS. Learning about the condition is another useful form of support. Meanwhile, modelling the healthy lifestyle behaviours discussed above can also motivate them – and benefit your own health too!
If you haven’t already, why not download the Evergreen Life app to keep learning about how to live a healthy lifestyle?
Reveiwed by:
Dr Claire Marie Thomas MRCGP DFSRH DTMH DipNLP MBChB BMedSci Clinical Content Lead
This information is designed for education and self-management support only. It does not replace professional medical assessment or advice.
It should not be used to make, delay, or change treatment decisions for either yourself of your loved one.
If you or your loved one’s symptoms are severe, persistent, or different from your/their usual IBS pattern, please contact your/their GP or NHS 111.
If you or your loved one experience any of the red flag symptoms listed above, or if you/they feel very unwell, seek urgent medical help.
Intended use: This resource supports adults living with IBS and their loved ones who wish to manage symptom flare-ups safely, identify triggers, and work collaboratively with healthcare professionals. It promotes self-awareness and positive lifestyle habits but does not provide diagnostic or therapeutic direction.
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